Sarah

I live in a flat in Islington.  I lived in 11 hostels before I got my place now.

From my upbringing I've learned to be careful around some people.  I would consider myself a nice person, but I used to automatically believe people if they told me something, not thinking that they might have a motive behind it. 

My grandmother is my hero.  I see her every week. 

My happiest moment was having my son.  I lived up near North Middlesex Hospital, but I didn't want to go to that hospital.  So it was about two or three in the morning, and I ended up walking all the way to Wood Green. I'd walked for an hour.  I then got a bus to the Whittington.  I was in labour for 10 hours.  Afterwards they put him on my chest.  He just opened one eye and then closed it again.  He didn't open his eyes again until we were on our own together.

I hit rock bottom when I lost my son three years ago.  I went to a place to support people who've lost children.  People made me feel that because I was so young my pain wasn't worth talking about. That was the lowest point.  

My favourite song lyric is by Amy Winehouse: “Love is a losing game / For you I was a flame / Five storey fire as you came.” I played it at my son's funeral.  There's bits of the song where I feel it means something to me.

Thinking about my son makes me happy.  Now that I've done this art project again - drawing him, doing stencils - finding something that I like doing makes me happy.  I do like design - I want to incorporate stencils when I do fashion.

My worst habit is re-doing it.  If I did some writing and got one word wrong I'd re-do it. That's about it!

I don't think I'd have plastic surgery. I'd probably look at one thing and then say OK, that doesn't go with my new nose or whatever, and end up changing it!

If I don't know anyone in a room and am trying to make conversation and someone doesn't talk to me, that makes me uncomfortable. 

I go to church sometimes and I read my bible a lot.  It's more for comfort than if I want a question answered - when I read I get a calming feeling.

Dying alone is my biggest fear.  Just knowing that you’ve not got anyone around.  The thought of dying and having no-one think, 'Oh I loved them, I'll remember them'…

Thinking about all the bad things that have happened to me makes me sad - I try not to think about them, but when I do it makes me sad.

I'd start my childhood over if I got the chance.  Even now that I've lost my son, I wouldn't start that part of my life again. But if I could change my childhood and keep the second half of my life, I would.

I always carry my phone with me, maybe tissues, maybe sweets - I Iike eating sweets.  I don't really carry personal stuff in case I lose it.

I've never been on holiday.  Where my son is buried there's a greenery, with a tree - not sure what kind it is but it's got pink flowers - that's the prettiest place I've seen, near where I used to live in Archway.  I've always wanted to go to Barbados - my mum's side of the family come from there - I've seen pictures of people going, but I've not been able to go myself.

My favourite author is Martina Cole - I like her books, they seem so real. I think I've got all her books apart from maybe one or two.

A genius is someone who can take information and remember it when people just say it once.  I could learn something if I took my time - I'd learn it eventually.  But someone who can do it straight away is a genius.