Caleb

I’m familiar with loads of words because I’m an English student, but most of them don’t really speak to me.

I like one of William Blake’s poems, the first two lines catch me the most – “To see the world in a grain of sand / And a heaven in a wild flower.” I think that speaks of innocence in its purest and how the saddest thing is we lose our innocence as we get wiser.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.

Sometimes you have a group of friends and it turns into a gang without you noticing.

The last time I cried was at my friend’s funeral. I always think that it’s my fault that he died. I chose to stay out of a situation which had kicked off again, because the first time it took a lot for me to calm it down. My friend, who wasn’t involved, wound up getting stabbed on his doorstep. He lived literally two minutes away from the hospital and the ambulance took 30 minutes to come, only to pronounce him dead. I think it’s appalling but that’s just me trying to use them as a scapegoat because I could’ve stopped it.

Carrying a knife used to make me feel safe. But it made me feel paranoid because I thought if I’ve got a knife who else has got a knife?

I’ve noticed that when people die at a young age, it’s mostly to do with stupidity – pride, holding face, money, drugs, but not even serious drugs or serious money, basically disrespect.

Being involved in conflict turns into your life when you hit 18 and up. You have to start fending for yourself, you realise you’re no longer doing it for a joke, but to stay alive.

What made me want to change was the fact that my life was meaningless. All that time I always knew at the back of my head I didn’t want to do this, but I needed a kick.

My family and friends came around when I was in hospital after I got shot and they were just distraught. When I thought about my life and the dreams I had, and how it had gone so far away from that, that’s what gave me the kick to change.

My dream now is to be an English teacher and teach in a secondary school. Even if all I can do is make a difference to one student then I’ll be happy.

My personal motto is everyday above the ground is a good day. Whatever happens, happens, but I just appreciate every day when I wake up.

My drug of choice is love. I think that’s a drug. If it’s not a drug then something is wrong with me.

I would describe myself as very much like an onion.

I’m proud of my little brother. I always tell him I made enough mistakes for the both of us so you don’t need to make any more mistakes and he’s taken that on board very well.

The fact that I say I want to do things for people and don’t do it makes me sad, because there are a lot of people that deserve something from me and I don’t give it to them. I think that is the curse of not getting round to it.

I definitely wouldn’t start my life again because it would take too long.

The thing you should always carry with you is your dignity.

I haven’t found out who I am yet but I’m close. Every time I think I found out who I am, I discover something else. What you have to do is have a gentle blend of all those different people that you are to make one person.